Forbidden but not forgotten
by Supernatural09Dean
Summary: Dean entered a relationship with a young woman it ended in disaster, but they find they struggle to cope alone and events draw them together 4 years later. Set during Season 3&4. Dean OFC, hurt,romance,angst M for language
1. Chapter 1 Pleasures of the night

**I do not own the rights to Supernatural, all rights belong to Eric Kripke**

**Forbidden but not forgotten **

**Chapter 1 Pleasures of the Night**

Dean tightened his hold over her engulfing her in his large frame, she looked so fragile and innocent as the moonlight washed over her face, he ran a hand down her hair, causing her to shiver with ecstasy. The heat between them beginning to grow, he could feel her breathing intensify beneath him and he could feel his own body react, the space in his pants tightening, he was trying so hard to control his desires, to somehow take the moment to comprehend what had just been said. He was sure that she had just told him that she loved him, and for what maybe the first time this did not provoke the feeling of fear in him, sure he had been a womaniser in his time but he had begun to grow increasing attraction to this young girl until quite recently when he knew that it had evolved from just mere attraction and lust to a deepened resolution of love. Although he was still uncertain and a little unnerved by this revelation of how there relationship had developed just having her to be the one to confirm these feelings, and to suggest that she loved him too, made his passion for her grow wilder. This was unlike himself he knew but the time in which they had spent together had changed all his understandings of what life could be, what his life could be, his destiny his future he saw it all reflected in her .

Try as he wanted to pull away to deny this he couldn't, as he looked at her in the soft light he took the time to record to memory every feature of her beautiful face, her eyes that ravished like sapphires and diamonds that reflected from fair pale skin, and the supple pink lips that seemed to be quivering from the words she had just whispered to him. Every fibre of his being knew this was wrong she was young, at 18 as his father was quick to point out to him, and he was every part of a man, he knew that by the feeling that was quenched in his trousers. But despite that he knew that she wanted him, just as he wanted her and that the age between them could not be a barrier for there passion no more. He took her image in to memory because he knew as ever much as this should be forbidden this would be the day he would give in to all his desires, and give himself to her, as she had been the first to give herself to him.

This was a memory Dean often thought of in his time of angst, when choices needed to be made he often felt should he head on instinct on his desire, or should he reserve himself the time to think his actions through. Damn it if he had done that 4 years ago then that memory may not pain him as much as it did now. Knowing that for his devotion and love to his younger brother this decision could not be unmade and that this as it had been 4 years ago it was with his heart that he should follow. As he kissed the demon it was such a bittersweet gesture to him, all the time his memories of her arose from the depth of his sub conscious, he tried all to well to forget her but the memory kept playing on. He blinked away that night mixed with all the stricken emotion of Sam, Sammy lying there motionless, this deal would be the solution, would be the end to his grieve. But as Dean repulsively pulled away from the demons kiss that sealed the deal he could not shake that night, that thought of her, why now had it all begin to resurface, after so long buried.

Dean made his way back to Sam, holding him close in his thoughts was all he could do to try and shake the image of her away , Sam should be all he cared about now not reliving old wounds. Eventually he managed to forget to somehow tuck it way deep in the back of his mind, for as he walked through that door and saw Sammy alive again, all he could think about was his little brother.

It had been months and all though Dean had managed to momentarily put the fears of his deal behind him he often dreamed of his time running up, although he never admitted his misgivings to Sam. But one thing that had plagued his dreams most was that within his nightmares he was beginning to seek salvation in a familiar face, the girl he once knew, and the memory of that night they shared not only there bodies but there souls with each other. Dean was beginning to toss and turn in his sleep now and though Sam had always been a deep sleeper times of late had him awake at all hours researching to prevent Dean's fate. He could here Dean contently mumble something, and watched as his dream played out. Dean could feel his body relax and eagerness take over as he surveyed the glory of her naked body beneath him, he saw her face flash with a smile as he revealed more and more of his naked self to her, and he could read that she liked what she saw. He kissed her lips moving down to her neck and further to her collar bone as he cupped her breasts in his hand, all the while she let out little moans of pleasure. It wasn't till upon entering her as she arched her back and screamed his name that he let out the loudest moan of his own, loud enough in fact to wake Dean from his pleasant sexual escapades. Dean woke with a sudden movement as it dawned on him that he had just screamed out a sexual plea within his sleep; Sam only peered up from his lap top, and smirked.

"Dean I think you're drooling" Sam sarcastically grinned "Let me guess clowns or midgets he added something Dean often reserved for him.

"Very funny Sammy" Dean said rather dazed from his half broken sleep, not to mention the fact he could feel he was extremely hard beneath the sheets.

"Cant you come up with your own lines" throwing a pillow other in his direction but his shot was rather off, his heart not in it, he lyed back in the bed.

Thinking the dream over, kind of hoping if he rationalised it all, he wouldn't feel this burning within him or the twitch of his body below. He just kept seeing her face, and repeated her name in his mind. Hope he thought how ironic that the name of the girl he loved would also come to mean all that she had given him, it was not often he verbalised that name not even in his thoughts so that Hope the girl he once loved would stop haunting his ass. It was all he could do to stop the memories breaking his heart once more. Dean closed his eyes wishing for his tiredness to overcome him even if all he had was restless nightmares it would suit him down to the ground as long as he didn't see Hope's face again.

**This is my first attempt at anything like this, thanks for reading reviews and comments welcome**


	2. Chapter 2 Hope, Faith and Trick

**Forbidden but not forgotten **

**Chapter 2 Hope, Faith nd Trick**

**Flashback**

She turned to him and winced, the recollection of the words she uttered reiterating fresh in her thoughts. How could she have been foolish as to let her guard down at such a crucial moment, she did not know if it was the way that he was holding her in the warm and sensuous embrace which is arms now possessed over her, or the shine of emotion she felt she saw in them pools of emerald eyes she kept so longingly peering in to, but without a second thought she conveyed what had been yearning beneath her for so long. The words came so effortlessly that was what scared her the most as she knew she couldn't deny that these emotions were all too real. She was more than certain that she had fucked it all up, that one moment when she bared all emotions to him would be lost forever all because she had been so credulous. Her mind began sprinting in to all directions it was then with shock that she felt his grip tighten and his touch which once was ripped with rough immediate passion, melt into something more gentle. But what she could never of expected was the three words he whispered huskily to her and the smouldering lingering kiss that followed that burned with intensity, that look of hunger dwelled beneath both there eyes, the kiss soon escalated into so much more...

**Present**

"Hope, Hope! Earth to Hope!"

"What sorry, I didn't know were I was there for a minute"

"Well were ever it was Hope; you looked as if you were enjoying yourself"

"What gave that away" She grinned intrigued that her friend could still know her so well after so long.

Hope had come to visit her high school friend, after she told her the good news of her engagement to her big shot boyfriend playing for high stakes in the latest stock market craze. Of course she was happy for her friend she had got what she had always dreamed of the house with the white picket fence the whole apple pie life style, it all came so easily for her. Hope on the other hand never seemed to catch that break and after her disastrous split to the one person who ever made her life worth while, she never truly got her life back on track.

"So how's life been treating you? I gather this is a flying visit" She added with a little condemnation

"Carly don't be like that, you know I never stay in one place for too long, its just not me, I just like that open road all to much"

"You always wanted to see the world didn't you Hope, get out of this town not that I can blame you after what you went through here" she trailed off a little not wanting to torture her friend with the painful memories which she only guessed still plagued her mind.

"Well have you seen it the ring I mean, look I mean you ever see a rock so God Damn big"

The ring glistened amongst the lights, it was an impressive piece of attire but Hope knew that it did not reflect a true declaration of love; she remembered a much more modest gift that an unsuspecting Winchester had surprised her with. Without even noticing she thumbled with the chain around her neck, then brushed it off why now was she doing this to herself.

"Its lovely Carly, fantastic" She tried to make the sentence seem unforced and gave a brief smile, it was all she could do, seeing her so happy so in love just grated against her a little. But a friends love is unconditional she thought I can live with this.

"So when is the big day?"

"Sometime next summer I'm thinking, you will come wont you, say you will come" Carly was beaming now and bouncing all around the kitchen uncontrollably. Hope remembered a time she had felt the same.

Sighing she replied

"Well... I don't know I mean," looking at her friend her face so incandescent she couldn't for the life of her break such a moment. "Sure... I mean of course I will be there."

"Good, I am so glad" She jumped in to Hopes arms giving her an adolescent girly hug. Hope jumped back quite untaken with the moment and tried to compose herself it had been along time since she had experienced such emotion and closeness.

"And don't forget that invitation is for two you know Hope" Giving her an encouraging wink, as she turned to the fridge to obtain some refreshments.

Hope just looked on; the mere thought of a date was the last thing she was contemplating the only man she had managed to bring to mind the last few nights, was the one that had haunted her for the last 4 years, the one she was forever running from. I mean why now, why of all people would it be Dean Winchester.

After leaving Carlys, Hope felt that the most rational thing to do would be to get a motel in town however most of her actions however zealous were very far removed from rational. She slipped herself with ease it to her fine 1967 GTX Plymouth Convertible all be it would never be in the same league as the impala. The Impala she thought as she reclined in the seat, the smell of the leather interior enthused with Deans cologne and the roar of the engine that made her heart race but what made her heart almost beat out of her chest was when Dean started to caress her thigh ever rubbing the inner most sensitive parts etching further and further up, she had to bite her lip from screaming with pleasure. Yes that Impala had been a scene of a fair few hot and steamy nights the car had blown her away but Dean had stolen her heart and her imagination.

She breathed deeply. _What the Hell am I doing for Christ sake!_ She screamed and banged her fists against the steering wheel. In 4 years she had managed to keep Dean down to a dull roar in her thoughts but recently she couldn't stop her memories and all the twists and turns they made her heart and stomach feel.

Hope started up the engine she had to get this freaking guy out of her head, she would drive all night if she had to, and she rarely slept these days anyway. Flicking on the radio ACDC rock and roll train blasted through the speakers, even more of a reminder of him then anything, but she loved this band, she loved this song and if it was the last thing she did she wasn't going to give up her music not for the likes of a Winchester. Speeding of into the moonlight, Hope heard the echo of a roll of thunder, a storm was approaching she glimpsed back to the road ahead there was always a new storm to fight through on the horizon.

**Reviews Welcome**


	3. Chapter 3 Cardinal Sins

**Chapter 3 Cardinal Sins **

It wasn't with reluctance that Dean found himself awake, and blinking back the glimpses of day light, that were peaking through the motel shutters, in fact he was some what relived to have an end to such surreal and impossibly eerie dreams. Throughout the night images of his upcoming death had been tinged with the radiant presence of Hope. For all his hard earned fantasies of waitresses and barmaids, hell even Angelina Jolie, he just couldn't for the life of him shake her out of his head. It was as if the past had somehow been burned into the forefront of his imagination and he couldn't deny himself the privilege to run from it any longer. _'Why suddenly now should Hope be of such great importance in his life, shouldn't Sam be his concern, and what about these last few months of his life, not some random girl who he tried to convince was just another conquest a nameless face to all the others he had left behind. '_He briefly shuddered internally for someone who doesn't like to think a lot he had been taking the time to do a lot of it recently. Therefore he proclaimed no more, _'now were can I get some breakfast' _he contemplated as he felt an unearthly emptiness in his stomach.

"So, we're eating bacon cheeseburgers for breakfast, are we?"

"Well, sold my soul. Got a year to live. I ain't sweatin' the cholesterol."

"So, Bobby, what do you think? We got a biblical plague here, or what?" Sam asked intetively

" Let's find out. Looks like the swarm is ground zero."

Dean finshed of his burger with haste. _'Great a hunt, i could sure use something anything to stop thinking of her'_

*****

Without warning Hope had found herself being abruptly awoken by the loud piercing tune of a familiar song, if only she could have established her surroundings as quickly .It was not that she was unaccustomed to waking up so early that had riled Hope more the idea that she didn't relinquish were she had found herself. In the front seat of her Plymouth scrunched in to a hefty heap with an empty bottle of jack clasped tightly between her clenched fists, her head would have appeared somewhat dislocated in her apparent state being lent unconsciously against the smooth icy window. That was about the only comforting feeling she could draw from her position, the cold glass helping to ease the onslaught of a grievous hangover. Hope new that feeling would be short-lived she rarely had to face hangovers these days mainly cause she either tried not to stay sober or because she believed the amount of alcohol she had been consuming over the years had left her immune to any potential painful side effects.

'What the fuck'

"Jesus...Shit... where is the god damn phone!"

Collecting herself Hope frantically searched the dashboard for her Cell; she had no intention of actually answering the bloody thing she only wanted to stop that harassing ring tone from giving her an embolism. When she finally placed her hands upon the offending article through blurred vision she made out the words unknown caller, it was not with regret that she then rejected the call. Slumping back into the seat she peered round for something to ease her through the morning. 'Vodka' 'That should make an interesting breakfast accompaniment 'she freed the bottle from the glove compartment which was brimming with loose make-up, Cds and weapons. Taking a robust swig she let the cool liquid parch her dry throat, it probably was not the best solution to her pain, but what the hell it couldn't hurt anymore then she did.

She was unsure as to her exact whereabouts she had drove through most of the night then stopped to immerse her self in the much needed drink she had craved all day. It was not Carly's fault that her trip had in some way caused her hardened exterior to break. But the fact that her thoughts had been so engrossed in the past and her friend's bubbly loved up nature had all too easily provoked the feelings of loss and regret for the love she once had. It was more apparent that the only person to bring down the walls that surrounded Hopes heart was Dean and she had done such a magnificent job of repairing them, she had thought that Dean was long buried, she used the alcohol to help keep that way. That night she let sleep overcome her but tried hard not to fall victim to her dreams as easily. Now she wished she just hadn't of bothered with sleeping at all, she climbed out of the drivers seat brushing down her now creased short denim skirt catching a glimpse of her reflection in the paint work she froze. _'Man I look like shit'_ At least for now she didn't feel that way, still holding the vodka bottle she downed another sip, enough to keep her holding her nerve. Scamming her surroundings she could see the lights of a motel sign from the embankment from were she had hastily parked. 'You were so eager for that drink couldn't have waited just a few more miles to the motel, you idiot' She cursed, not that the motel would have exactly been the Hilton but compared to the front seat of a Plymouth she was counting on somewhat more comfortable and roomy.

Taking a last minute attempt of courage from her bottle she fastened on the cap and chucked it relentlessly on the back seat, no doubt coming back to its bitter sweet comfort at a later date. With that thought in mind she set sight her plans for the day, _'first let's get you back to pulling form hot stuff'_ she joked as she blew a kiss to herself in the wing mirror.

After settling into the menacing and unsanitary room the motel clerk had provided at was specified as a speciality amongst single ladies, if he was referring to her being a lady of the night by her somewhat dishevelled appearance and choice of clothing she was in to minds as to whether to kick the guy into next week for thinking such seedy perverted thoughts or to point out that just because a lady is single and dresses with the intention of having sex appeal does not mean she is a slut. But with her lack of sleep her brazen demeanour had allowed itself to fade in to a muted and lacklustre version of her real self. Hope had only really allowed herself to come too after she had taken a long soak in the bath, allowing her body and mind to accompany itself with the idea of feeling again. Therefore it was no surprise after emerging from the bath she found her Cell yet again array with missed calls, all from the same mysterious unknown number, which began to myth Hope somewhat. _'Maybe it would be in my best interests to actually answer the phone next time'_ she inwardly smirked well it is what a phones for after all.

******

Searching through the paper, she looked for anything strange or untoward that might be going on in the surrounding towns, anything that may to the normal person appear just coincidence to the well trained eye would appear to be a valuable hunt. Hope thought back to when she first had her thoughts of the supernatural confirmed; Dean had been the one to confess everything.

**Flashback**

"Hope I don't want to scare you, I want to protect you, and I want to keep you safe"

"Dean I know, God I know but if I knew what you were so worried about... If I could just get closer to you..." She broke off she didn't want to vent her anger but she new Dean was keeping secrets, secrets she couldn't fathom and she hated it if he cared for her that much wasn't she worth telling the truth to.

"Dean I know your hiding from me, your lying to me about who you are, just tell me... were friends aren't we?" Should she have questioned that last part, were they more or were they less she hadn't a clue at this point.

"Of course we are" He cupped her face with his hand, _'Damn I so want to kiss you, to tell you everything, but you wouldn't understand would you?'_ Dean was in a quandary he trusted her, they hadn't been friends for long but he felt he new her more then he new himself. _'Damn it, am I falling for her? '_

He pulled her close his hands moving to her hips keeping her firmly rooted to the spot.

"If I tell you will you promise not to freak out, Okay?"

"Dean, of course I won't" _'Shit is it really that bad'_

"Ok, here it goes" His hands began to hold her tighter, Hope wasn't sure if she would be able to keep breathing if he didn't relax soon, but she remained calm like he had asked of her.

"You know all them things in your nightmares, all the things that you think are out there in the dark, well there all real all of them. Everything you thought you knew well it was nothing compared to the truth of what's out there. Demons, ghosts, hell even the boogeyman it's all real and me and my Dad, my family we hunt the Son of a Bitch's down and kill them." He sighed. Moved his hands away and turned his back to her. '_Wait for it, wait for it, she's going to freak out dude'_

"Ok, Dean I believe you, I sincerely do hell I kinda guessed as much anyways I mean some of the weird shit that goes on, it cant all be normal" She moved close behind him putting a comforting hand to his shoulder.

Dean couldn't believe it nobody accepted this life that easily. _'Is she for real' _But of out of everything that happened the next part was even more unexpected, as he turned round to face her, Hope's hands shifted from his shoulder to the scruff of his collar and in an instance her lips crashed to his. That one moment defined to them both they were a little more than friends.

**Present **

At this point Hope was back to her faithful bottle of vodka however now she had moved on to her second, and the liquid was like a fire to her system burning wild and now she could feel her body pumping with adrenaline. All this energy pulsing through her veins, but all wasted. _'Man this shit sucks!'_ She thought to herself _'nothing I've got nothing no hunts at all, damn this is dumb.' _With raw frustration she through the paper across the room, its contents scattered amongst the remnants of the motel room. The sensation from the alcohol ceased to be a harmonious buzz and all her energy was evolving in to anger, to soothe her temper she pulled out a box of cigarettes hoping the nicotine would prove to be relaxing. Its not that she didn't realise the risks of her lifestyle high quantities of alcohol and cigarettes they didn't do wonders for your health, but the life of a hunter wasn't without its risks, more to her sanity than anything else. And for everything that was bad in the world and all the evil she had seen in balance her behaviour did not appear to be anything far from a natural response to the cards she had been dealt in her life.

With a long drag and the intake of smoke she could feel her body somewhat calm, she exhaled a long sigh drew back the curtains of the motel and starred into the night. Lost within her thoughts there was something soothing about the night the darkness, she wasn't afraid of what was out there more comforted at the thought you could loose yourself amongst it the stars and the night the romantic notion of a world were for a moment everything around you could blur and life felt good again. Although she didn't condone the loneliness of her life, she was often drawn back to the past back to him every feeling, emotion was tainted with his memory. Trailing of into her thoughts she felt like punishing herself for bringing him back it was like there was a force pulling him back into her mind this was all to strange. Hope felt herself come back to the room at an alarming rate with the sound of her Cell ringing again; she stubbed out her cigarette and read the screen. _'Unknown caller yeah thought as much, well now or never'_

She accepted the call.

"Hello"

"Hi is that Hope Bridges" The voice was that of a woman she sounded sincere and warm, all too unnatural to Hope.

"Yes speaking" Trying hard to appear undeterred that the voice new her name and she nothing of them. She paused and waited for them to introduce themselves.

"Hope Bridges the Hunter, did a hell of job back in Boston with that Shapeshifter I here"

"Yes, that's me and who the hell are you? How come you know about that thing in Boston? Shit how did you even get this number? " Loosing all her composer, she wondered who the hell this woman was.

"Hi my names Ellen Harvelle, I help out hunters once in a while passing on cases and such, I got your number from a mutual friend Troy Lincoln. You helped him out on a hunt in Kentucky once."

Hopes brain searched for answers on passed acquaintances hell she had met dozens of people in this job, she vaguely remembered such a name.

"Yeah I think I remember wasn't that, that thing with that poltergeist?"

Hope began to put the pieces together; yeah Troy wasn't he the guy that introduced her to purple nurples. In fact she quite enjoyed them few weeks they had together he was quite like a big brother in many ways always trying to encourage her to have more fun, she had been totally focused on the hunt in the beginning but after a while she let herself soak in some laughs and conversation. But after a while that memory had faded amongst many other hunts demons, monsters, ghosts you just didn't have the time to get sentimental about things.

"Yeah that's it anyway he filled me in about you, and your expertise some of the jobs you done he spoke very highly of you, said you were one of the best hunters he has worked with. Well to get to the point he recommended you for a case someone has passed on to me in Iowa I wondered if you weren't already on a job you would be up to taking it on?"

Hope kind of perked up to the idea of a hunt, one in which she was swelling with pride for because she had been recommended. So she jumped at the chance.

"Yeah, I'm definitely up for it, I've got nothing on were I am at the moment, I could probably set out at first light, were abouts are you so I can collect the details?"

"I'm working in Nebraska at the moment, I can probably collect all the information and have it ready for you by morning, I just want to say this aint an easy case the hunter who passed this on wouldn't even take this job and there pretty experienced, I hope you can handle it?" Her voice seemed to be filled with concern. But Hope shrugged it off she just thought _'bring it on, I need this.'_

"Yeah I'm about a days drive from there, could probably get there by tomorrow evening at the earliest, can I take your number and some other details."

Hope politely finished up the call, took the phone number and addresse details and said her goodbyes. Her mind had become completely focused on the task in hand, and she wouldn't admit it but she was pretty siked she may hate this job for what its worth but begrudgingly it was somewhat exciting and she needed this, she would take about anything just to forget that name pounding through her head. _'Dean Winchester.'_

**Reviews welcome**


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